Mini-Review: "MirrorMask

Review by Fat Jack
My Rating: 1 star out of 5














Now available on DVD
Rated PG
Directed by: David McKean

Starring: Stephanie Leonidas and Rob Bryndon

Rotten Tomatoes: 51% rotten
Netflix: 3.3 stars out of 5
IMDb: 7.3 stars out of 10
Roger Ebert: 2 stars out of 4

As a rule I love the strange, artistic and surreal to the point that I can endure a mildly muddled story plot. But MirrorMask goes so far beyond muddled, that it allows the artistic creativity to take over like a rampant strawberry patch. It is pretty and sweet and makes a good dessert, but one can only stand so much. I don’t want a yard full of strawberries nor do I want my movies so expressive in visual effects that the script is nothing more than a scribbled-on cocktail napkin. (Watch the trailer and visit the official site.)

JOANNA: “All those kids in there want to run away and join the circus.”
HELENA: “Great, they can have my life. I want to run away and join real life.”

VALENTINE: “I'm an important person you see. I have a tower, a wonderful tower it was, tall and grand.”

HELENA: “If I tell you something weird... will you think I'm crazy?”
VALENTINE: “Yes. I expect so.”

Mini-Review "Bubble"

Review by Fat Jack
My Rating 3 star out of 5














Now available on DVD
Rated R
Directed by: Steven Soderberg
Starring: Debbie Doebereiner, Dustin James Ashley and Misty Wilkins.

Rotten Tomatoes: 68% fresh
Netflix: 2.9 stars out of 5
IMDb: 6.7 stars out of 10
Roger Ebert: 4 stars out of 4

A movie as calm and devoid of emotion as the town in which it’s set, Bubble is a long, dry look at the power and pain of unknown love. The movie is depressed in it’s lack of emotion and sluggish pace – a direct correlation to the lives of the characters. Even murder is portrayed as a pestering paper cut. The young man affected the most, as it was his best friend that killed his girl, seems disconnected from feeling anything remotely connected to care or even empathy. As for the Karla Quotient, do not worry. Nothing ever really happens in this movie including the murder. (Watch the trailer and visit the official site.)

Better Off Dead- Movie Quotes

The great 80's Cult Classic- Better Off Dead- starring John Cusack is the source of our latest movie quote poll. There are some great lines from this pure 80's comedy. It will be a challenge to pick the best one. Let us know the one that you like the best.

Leave us a comment if you have a request for an upcoming movie quote poll.

Batman Quote- 3 Way Tie

The Batman (1989) movie quotes ended in a tie. Here are the three that tied for first place. Bryan, Fat Jack, and I will vote to determine the winner. Thanks for all of your votes.

"Never rub another man's rhubarb.” –Joker

"And where, where is the Batman... he is at home washin his tight." –Joker

"If you gotta go, go with a smile" -Joker

Aliens- Quote Winner

The winning quote from our Aliens poll is:

"Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked pal!"

It was followed closely by my favorite quote from Aliens :

"All right people, what are you waiting for, breakfast in bed? Another glorious day in the corps. A day in the Marine Corps is like a day on the farm. Every meal's a banquet. Every paycheck a fortune. Every formation a parade. I love the corps!"

Thank you all for voting for the Aliens quote.

Batman Quotes- final days to vote

We currently have a 3 way tie for our Batman quotes. If you have not voted, please vote for your favorite. I will leave it up through tomorrow. On Thursday, I will put up a new set of quotes to vote for. Remember, by the end of the day tomorrow, the voting will be over for Batman quotes.

Review: "Monster House"

Review by Fat Jack

My Rating 4 stars out of 5














Now in Theaters
Rated PG
Directed by: Gil Kenan
Voice Talents: Steve Buscemi, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Lee, Mitchel Musso, Sam Lerner, and Spencer Locke

Rotten Tomatoes: 70% fresh
Netflix: 4.3 stars out of 5
IMDb: 7.2 stars out of 10
Richard Roeper: 3.5 stars out of 4

(This is not a G rated film; it is very PG. If you have a child who is very young, has delicate sensibilities, or is prone to nightmares then be sure to screen it first to make sure it is appropriate for your youngster.)

The House of Jack does love a scary yarn, which of course eliminates many movies during daylight hours as our home has young eyes and ears. When I first saw the trailer, I started prepping my 6-year-old daughter. She likes to be scared if she is in a safe environment. We talked about this movie at length before seeing it. I made sure she saw the trailers multiple times before taking her. She was ready and excited.

Director Gil Kenan makes a nice story that weighs in at a mere 80 minutes. The story is crisp, intense at times and funny. Now there is a bit of puberty humor, but the tween characters who it is aimed at don’t quite understand it, preserving their childhood if not for a few seconds.

The house is scary and when it comes to life, it really pops off screen. This is being debuted in 3-D in limited areas. I’m glad we choose the traditional theater as it was real enough for my daughter. During the stronger moments, she reached over and put my arm across her chest, clinging to it like a monkey. I asked her if she was scared and she bravely told me “No” but she still kept use of my arm.

In the end, the issue with the house is resolved, allowing our youngsters to go home with a sense of relief. My daughter informed me that she had previously had a nightmare where our home had come alive, but she assured me that wouldn’t happen to our house. No one has ever died in our house. She smiled during the whole movie and loved every scary minute of it. She’s even sleeping well tonight … in my bed … with her teddy … and the cat … and the lights on. That is what scary movies are supposed to do. That’s part of the fun.

ZEE (the babysitter): “What are you dweebs doing?”
CHOWDER: “Oh nothing it’s just that the house just tried to eat us!”
ZEE: [Pause] “No more Mountain Dew.”

JENNY: [waves flashlight at chandelier] “Look! That must be its uvula.”
CHOWDER: Oh, so it’s a girl house.”

DJ: “We have to fight back.”
CHOWDER: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m not going inside that house.”
JENNY: I say it’s worth a shot.”
CHOWDER: [quickly] Yes I agree. Let’s do it.”

Coming Soon: "District B13"

Preview by Fat Jack

My Prediction: Great














Coming soon to The Moxie
On DVD September 5, 2006
Rated R

Netflix: 4 stars out of 5
IMDb: 6.8 stars out of 10


From the producer of “Transporter” and the people who brought you “Ong Bank: The Tai Warrior,” this film looks to be a kind of independent action film. Dan and Nicole, owners of The Moxie, say this film is the Moxie’s version of the summer block buster.

Paris, 2010. An isolation wall surrounds the ghetto cities. Without effective law enforcement, within these walls, gang rule is absolute. Damien is a member of an elite police squadron, a special unit highly trained in martial arts and the precise physical skills necessary to navigate the treacherous urban landscape of Paris’ future. He is now tasked with the most vital and dangerous mission of his career: to retrieve a loose nuke stolen by the most powerful gang of District B13.

Leito, a vigilante criminal whose only goal is to save his sister from the clutches of the same gang, knows District B13 like the back of his hand. Assigned to infiltrate the sector to defuse the bomb, Damien must convince Leito to join his cause. Yet everything is not quite as it seems. Who exactly works for whom? Who is really pulling the strings? Above all, who profits from the use of this bomb?

(Sorry, but there are no quotes available.)

DVD Review: "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle"

Review by Fat Jack

My Rating: 4 stars out of 5
Now available on DVD Rated G














Netflix: 3.8 stars out of 5
IMDb: 8.2 stars out of 10

Any now here’s something we hope you’ll really like: The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show on DVD. The beauty of this is that the original show is preserved here, complete with Mr. Peabody and his boy, Sherman; Mr. Know It All; Poetry Corner; and the fractured fairy tales.

Clever as ever, this DVD made a wonderful choice o introduce to my daughter. It’s a lot like the animated version of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh In. The dialogue is quick, pointed and riotously funny. I love the fractured fairly tales. Of course the entire show is available on Netflix.

ROCKET J. SQUIRREL: “And now, here to tell you everything about anything is Mr. Know-It-All..”

BULLWINKLE: “I'd like to apply for a job as an usher?”
BORIS: “What experience have you had?
BULLWINKLE: “I've been in the dark for most of my life”

NATASHA: “Boris, is Moose you said you killed in previous episode?”
BORIS BADENOV: “Look, it's his show. If he wants to be hard to kill, let him.”

Mini-Review: "The Matador"

Review by Fat Jack

My Rating: 4 stars out of 5
Karla Quotient: Approved














Now available on DVD
Rated R
Directed by: Richard Shepard
Starring: Pierce Brosnan and Greg Kinnear

Rotten Tomatoes: 75% fresh
Netflix: 3.3 stars out of 5
IMDb: 7.1 stars out of 10
Roger Ebert: 3.5 stars out of 4

First of all, this is a dark comedy. Now that may suggest to you that it is brooding and bloody and disturbing. But The Matador is not such. An assassin and a man who needs his help may give you the sense of dark imagery. Fret not. Even the lightest of tummies can handle this dandy little flick.

My sister, Karla, loves movies but her sensibilities are easily disturbed, especially when it comes to films involving children or excessive and realistic violence. I call this the Karla Quotient and this film is approved for Karla.

JULIEN NOBLE: “Come on! It’ll be a good time.”
DANNY: “Oh, so now killing people is a good time?”
JULIEN: “Can be.”

JULIEN: “I wouldn't do that for all the teenage twat in Thailand.”

BEAN: “Aren't we fucking cosmopolitan? Having a trained assassin stay overnight. Letting heartbreaking lies roll over us like a summer breeze.”

Its a bird... Its a plane... Its a hit!

Review by Bryan
My Rating:  4.5 stars out of 5



Now in Theaters
Released:  6/28/06
Rated PG-13
Length:  2h34m
Directed by: Bryan Singer
Starring: Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth and Kevin Spacey

Rotten Tomatoes:  75% Fresh
IMDb: 7.3 stars out of 10
Roger Ebert: 2 stars out of 4
CrapLousy: 36% Crap

This, being my first movie review for Inconceivable, may be a bit rough around the edges, so forgive me any ramblings that I may accidentally fall into.  I've received no small amount of grief from Larry and Fat Jack for may lack of postings to this blog so I will try to make up for it with this review and hopefully before Wednesday a review a some movie about boats, a pearl, and swords....

While I'm not the wide-eyed child I was in 1978 or 1980, I still came out of this movie "Believing a Man Could Fly" to borrow a catch-phrase from the original.  I was kind of nervous about how this movie was going to turn out.  Not due to the fact that Bryan Singer was directing.  He is a marvel at making you want to be interested in characters and his Usual Suspects is one of my favorite movies.  My doubts were in the picking up from Superman II and continuing the legend from there.  I really like the first two movies n the series just like I really like the first Batman movie and the Catwoman half of Batman Returns, but I appreciated the fact that the powers-that-be decided to restart the Batman franchise from the beginning and at first thought they should have done the same here.

Well, most of my fears were for naught.  The storyline plays well from the first two movies and in a very eerie way, Brandon Routh does seem to channel Christopher Reeve at times, many of which he not only sounds like the prior tights wearer, but looks like him too.

The plot is pretty simple, but woven into the story, in a way done much better than the originals, is character background information.  Clark's early years discovering his powers and Luthor's vileness as a master manipulator, and not just a techno-geek as he is sometimes portrayed, are worked into the story well and give you some ideas as to where each of them are coming from.  Clark, the child that won't understand for many years why he floats in the air and run so fast, and Luthor, the former prisoner, who dotes on an elderly millionairess, while her family waits for her to die, just so he can have her Yaught.

The first half of the film deals with the return of Superman to Metropolis (hence the title) after he has been gone from Earth for 5 years looking for his homeworld.  It seems that some scientists found what looked like a planetary body orbiting the red sun of Krypton.  Superman returns to Earth and is surprised to find that people went on without him but not without problems.  The world is in chaos and he begins to make a difference immediately.

Meanwhile...  Luthor schemes to create a new body of land in the Atlantic that he can control and sell to the highest bidder.  Why new land.... In creating the new body, he basically floods half of the US, thus making his land much more valuable... and too boot, its laced with Kryptonite.

On the side, Lois is engaged and has a 5 year old son who is sort of a weakling, snotty nosed, whiner and as if nobody sees it coming, should be Clark's child.  Lois "supposedly" doesn't suspect this until the end of the movie after young Clark junior throws a grand piano across the Yaught's ballroom in a fit of rage.  They never come right out and say that the child is Clark's but there is a whisper that we don't hear that alll but implies it.

So... Did I love the movie?  Absolutely!  Is it one of the greatest movies ever made?  Probably not.  Is it better than that other Superhero movies that came out this year X-Men 3?  You betcha!  The saddest part of this last fact is that X-Men 3 will probably make far more money that Superman Returns.  I chalk that up to two things.  1)  Superman Returns is a full hour longer than X-Men 3 which means the later movie can plan more times for the same amount per seat and 2)  I think this by many is like a restart (even though it isn't).  And first episode movies sometimes do not do as well as subsequent eps.  There was doubts about Singer's original X-Men movies and it grew into a huge franchise for Marvel.  Let's hope that Superman can do the same for DC.


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Mini-Review: "Nacho Libre"

Review by Fat Jack

My Rating: 3 stars out of 5




















Now in Theatres
Rated PG
Directed by: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Ana de la Reguera, and Hector Jimenez.

Rotten Tomatoes: 35% rotten
IMDb: 5.9 stars out of 10
Roger Ebert: 1.5 stars out of 4
Entertain Me: B

Think back to Christopher Guest, writer and director of the hilarious mockumentary, “Best In Show,” where he hit comedic gold. “Best in Show” was it. A near perfect rendition of what a mockumentary should be. He wrote and directed several others including “A Mighty Wind,” and “Waiting for Guffman,” and while these were okay, they just weren’t the Best in Show.

The same has proven true with director Jared Hess and actor Jack Black. “Nacho Libre” is fine, even funny in parts. But it is missing something. Black’s performance, too, seems a bit catawampus. Fat guy in tights is funny, but it only travels so far. The movie isn’t horrible by any means. It has some funny bits, but those are not enough to carry the film. It’s just not dynamite.


NACHO: “They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do!”

CHANCH: “Here, take this, my mother gave it to me. It was her lucky machete..”

NACHO: “...but my life is good. Really good! I get to wake up every morning at 5am and make some soup. It’s the best! I love it! I get to lay in a bed by myself all of my life. It’s fantastic!.”

New Poll- Best Quote from Batman (1989)

We now have a poll for the Best quote from the 1989 "Batman". Check it out on the right hand side and vote for your favorite. Remember, your votes help us decide which line will be included in our best movie quotes top 100.

Superman Returns- Review- Spoilers included

I saw Superman Returns today. I have been eagerly anticipating this movie since I saw the first trailers last fall. I was unable to get to the theatre until today.



Here is my review:


What I liked about It: As I have read in numerous other reviews, Brandon Routh does a great job of becoming what we remember as Superman. He looks and at times sounds just like Christopher Reeves. Brandon's Clark Kent was almost identical to Reeves portrayal. I also felt like I was back in my childhood watching Superman II once again.

I felt that Kate Bosworth was a really good Lois Lane. She had the drive of Lois from the comics. I loved her arguments with Perry "Chief" White about what story she should be covering. She made me believe she was Lois.

Kevin Spacey was the best Lex Luthor I have ever seen. After getting out on parole, he hooks up with an elderly rich woman and takes full advantage. He then develops a well thought out scheme with Superman's crystals in the Fortress of Solitude. He has some great lines.

I also really liked the rest of the cast. Everyone from Ma Kent to Perry White to Jimmy Olson was well done and believable. I can not complain about the casting of this film at all.

The plot was pretty good. I could buy into Superman being gone for 5 years while he explored the possibility of finding what is left of Krypton. This causing a lot of the plot issues on the screen between Superman and Lois. I felt that it overall played well on the screen.

What I did not Like: (Spoilers- Beware) I hated the plot issue of Lois' son and how it played out. Is it or is it not Superman's son did not play well for me. They gave it away too easily and did not make you really think about it or be surprised with it. It would have been better if they did not tell us but rather left us wandering. I am also more of a purest. In the comics, Superman did not have a child with Lois. They still have not had any children after getting married. Yet, this movie is going to introduce us to Superman's son. It left a nasty taste in my mouth. To me, it was much worse than making Spiderman's webbing actually come from his arm and not his web shooters.

My Grade: B+. I would have been higher without the child issue.

Other Reviews:
Rotten Tomatoes 75% approval/ 7.1 out of 10
Coming Soon: Both 8/10 and 9/10 Reviews
Entertain Me: B
Roger Ebert: 2 Stars

Memorable Quotes:
Lois Lane: But millions will die!
Lex Luthor: Billions! Once again, the press underestimates me.

Lex Luthor: Come on, let me hear you say it, just once.
Lois Lane: You're insane.
Lex Luthor: No! No, not that the other thing. Come on, I know it's on the tip of your tongue.
Lois Lane: Superman will never...
Lex Luthor: WRONG!

Lois Lane: I've done Superman. [Jimmy and Clark snicker]
Lois Lane: I've covered him! You know what I mean!

Kitty Kowalski: Wow, that's really something, Lex.
Lex Luthor: Wait for it.
Kitty Kowalski: Wow, that's really something, Lex.
Lex Luthor: Wait for it.

Kitty Kowalski: Lex, you're not a God.
Lex Luthor: Gods are selfish beings who fly around in little red capes and don't share their power with mankind.

Perry White: Winning a Pulitzer Prize is like winning an academy award, nobody remembers what you won it for, they just know that you won it.

Kitty Kowalski: [looking at a dog chewing on a bone] Weren't there two of those?

Lex Luthor: I would give thirty thousand coconuts and every ounce of your blood for a quart of gasoline!

Lex Luthor: [after receiving a will the widow signed leaving him all the money and handing his wig to a little girl] You can have that. The rest is mine.

Superman: I read the article, Lois.
Lois Lane: Yeah, so did a lot of people. Tomorrow night, they're giving me the Pulitzer ...
Superman: Why did you write it?
Lois Lane: How could you leave us like that? I moved on. So did the rest of us. That's why I wrote it. The world doesn't need a savior. And neither do I.

Superman: Listen...
Lois Lane: I don't hear anything.
Superman: I do. I hear everything. You wrote that the world doesn't need a savior, but every day I hear people crying for one.

Superman: [after saving Lois Lane and other members of the media from a plane crash] I hope this hasn't put you off of flying. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way to travel.

Clark Kent: How did Lex Luthor get out of prison?
Jimmy Olsen: When his appeals came up, they called Superman as a witness, and he never showed. How much do you think that pisses off Superman?
Clark Kent: ...A lot.

A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION













Director Robert Altman assembles an incredible cast to play in this comedy based on the radio show by the same name. See what happens backstage during the last performance. Not always a fan of Altman’s style, I can appreciate his work. Even still, this looks like a comedic hit to me. (see the trailer) (visit the official site)

AL (stage manager): About that obscene song you sang last week...
LEFTY: "I'll give you my moonshine if you show me your jugs?"

LEFTY (singing): Liquor she said, and lick her I did, and I don't work there any more.

YOLONDA JOHNSON: Isn't that a Carter Family song?
LOLA JOHNSON: Who?
YOLONDA JOHNSON: The Carter Family. Like us, only famous.

GUY NOIR: The show had been on the air since Jesus was in the 3rd grade

MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND













Breakups are hard enough. But when an average man dumps his emotionally unstable superhero girlfriend things really heat up. With Owen Wilson and Uma Thurman, this should be a lot of fun. (see the trailer) (visit the official site)


CLERKS 2













Dante and Randall's jobs at the mini-mart are suddenly cut short. Leaving them in search of new employment at … God forbid … Mooby’s fast food shack. We will see what to make of this sequel. Unlike most, however, we have Kevin Smith at the helm and that lifts my hopes. (see the trailer) (visit the official site)

Randal Graves: You're in the bestiality business.
Sexy Stud: Hey fucko! We like to call it inter-species erotica

DVD Review: "Underdog Chronicles"

Review by Fat Jack
My Rating 3 stars out of 5

I rented “Underdog Chronicles” yesterday from Netflix. Just one more reason to dislike Blockbuster as they don’t carry anything, including Underdog. She sat and watched it over and over, delighted with Underdog and Polly Purebread. The magic in watching these classics is sharing a piece of my childhood with my progeny, continuing on a bit of history and pop culture.

The DVD, unfortunately is lacking. Underdog took one story line and added several cliffhangers, stretching it over multiple shows. This DVD included only three complete story line episodes. The original show is not intact as the other characters were left off the DVD. No Tennessee Tuxedo, Savoir Faire or Klondike Kat. The originality of the show was stripped away, leaving us only with Underdog episodes.

A better choice would have been to leave the show intact, allowing the audience to relive the show as originally intended, complete with cliffhangers. With that said, I was not disappointed in Underdog himself, I just wanted more of the original package. Still, she and I shared a piece of TV history and that was fun.

UNDERDOG: “There’s no need to fear! Underdog is here.”

UNDERDOG: “When Polly’s in trouble, I am not slow. It’s hip-hip-hip and away I go.”

UNDERDOG: “The secret compartment of my ring I fill, with my Underdog super energy pill.”

Check out the movie quote polls

Over on the right hand side of the blog, we now have our first movie quote poll. It is located right under the link to the Quote page. Please check it out. We will try to update this weekly and have the readers assist us in deciding the best quote for each movie that we have listed.

Mini-Review: "Jackass - The Movie

Review by Fat Jackass

My Rating: 4 stars out of 5














IMDb: 6 stars out of 10
Rotten Tomatoes: 49% Rotten
Netflix: 3.2 stars out of 5

Pointless, stupid, juvenile, void of intellect and lacking purpose are all typical responses from critics, if those critics even bothered to watch this, which I imagine most did not. This is not typical moviedom. Obviously low brow, crass and obscene, “Jackass – The Movie” is more of a documentary on the goings-on with adult-yet-adolescent, drunk fraternity brothers.

Certainly Jackass adds credibility to the theory that boys are stupid until they are 30. And if you ever doubted collective stupidity, it is now easy to see that there is a direct correlation between the number of boys in a group and the IQ of those same boys. As the number of boys increases, the IQ of the individuals decreases by that same amount. God help you if beer or smoke are involved.

But if you fondly remember all or at least some of your youthful experiences then Jackass will supply you with a good dose of nostalgia and fear. I laughed my Jackass off, remembering when my friends and I did something similiar. Don't let anyone tell you differently. And that is what makes Jackass - The Movie great. If you have boys, and you are brave enough to know what boys are really like, then this will learn you a thing or two. But beware, because somewhere beneath every man worth his salt, is a Jackass.

Mini-Review: "Hoodwinked"

Review by Fat Jack
My Rating: 1 star out of 5

IMDb: 6.7 stars out of 10
Rotten Tomatoes: 47% Rotten
Netflix: 3.5 stars out of 5

I’m not listing the director nor the actors. I’m offering no poster art, nor linking to any trailers. There’s simply no point. There’s hardly any point to writing a review, except I need to write something and it’s all I have had time to see lately.

The weak story line combined with the juvenile animation limps off the screen. I felt like I was watching some nonsensical Saturday morning cartoon. I was hoodwinked into watching, as the actors were hoodwinked into participating.